She was so beautiful and I will love her for ever.

Monday, 31 October 2011

Riding gear.

Just a short post.

This morning upon my request, Alison's riding gear was brought back to me. I had been fore warned by the police that I would find it distressing, but since reading the accident report I felt strong enough and prepared for what I would find inside the sealed police bag.

So the police liaison officer duly arrived with the said bag. He asked if I wanted to open it in his presence, that I may need support in doing so, but I said no it's ok, I'm prepared. We chatted and I said, 'You know I could understand her crashing if she had lost control at 70mph or so, but 30mph just doesn't make sense. His reply was, it was a million to one chance, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, he then said, imagine you have five hoops and a pencil, you throw the five hoops high in the air and you then throw the pencil and it goes through all five hoops, a million to one chance, if one or two hoops are not in line then ? so in other words with an accident, every sequence has to be just right for a fatality.

Police officer left and I took a deep breath and carried the bag into the kitchen, sat on the floor and unsealed it. I took out each item one by one, I thought would just become a sobbing wreck on the kitchen floor, but no, instead a strange calmness came over me, it was as if Alison was watching and also the fact that I had part of her back, also I could smell her on some of the items. I sort of felt guilty that I wasn't sobbing my heart out, maybe that will come later, to be honest I wish I was a wreck on the kitchen floor, it would have made more sense.

She loved her all black riding gear as much as her bike, they were part of her and I am so glad to have them back, regardless of there condition and the obvious signs of trauma.

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