This is the little weather worn children's bench that Alison used to sit on when she went outside for a cigarette. It now stands lonely and empty even though I sit on it frequently when I have a cigarette.
But it was always her bench, if it was raining, she would grab a cushion from the living room and put that on the bench and sit. Many a time I would go outside and find a soaking wet cushion that she had forgot to bring in after. If ever it was blowing a gale and raining, she would also grab the patio parasol and be huddled under that. I so miss seeing her sat there.
So it has become the lonely bench for me, it faces the gate she last went out of, now five months to the day!, never to return. Many a tear has fallen when I sit there and plenty more will fall.
So five months to the day and the loneliness and the longing for her is worse, 'time is the healer' they say! and truth be known I have probably said that too quite a few people over the years. But now that I have lost the one person in my life who was so special and such a massive part of my life, I know those words not to be quite true, I will never heal from this, I will hopefully and slowly learn to live with the injury my mind and spirit will now carry. But the injury will always remain and even years on down the line, such was my love and feelings for Alison, that that injury will no doubt flare up every so often and I want it to, I never want to forget.
