She was so beautiful and I will love her for ever.

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Die of a broken heart.

What a day ! and it hasn't ended yet. Wind and rain, well especially wind really makes me feel low, add on the loss of Alison and maybe you know where I'm coming from. So accept my apologies for another sorrowful post, but writing about my feelings helps.
I should have been getting on with work today, but just have not been able to hold it together. Have been bursting into tears off and on all day, even one of my happy pills didn't really work this time.
You know there really are no words that truly describe what I feel, only those going through the same know the feeling. Losing someone who was your total life and knowing you will never see them, hear them, touch them, feel love from them is just too much to bare. I really do think it is possible to die from a broken heart. Indeed only last week there was the story of a ex soldier who lost his soldier son two years ago, never got over the loss and actually did die of a broken heart. I know I will never get over the loss of Alison, so maybe I will go the same way.

This mental pain is so intense, it actually controls your life, you just skirt around it now and again and for a while you function, maybe a day maybe two, but then bang, it comes back and hits you like a sledgehammer. The total feeling of helplessness, loneliness and longing for the one you love is all consuming.

As we both worked from home, we were together for far more hours than the average couple, the longest we were ever apart from each other was a week. Now we are apart until eternity, whatever that maybe. So being alone here all day is a real struggle, there is no longer love or laughter in the house. I really only have one wish in life now and that is that she will be waiting for me on the other side.