She was so beautiful and I will love her for ever.

Sunday, 11 September 2011

The void

When the terrible events of 9/11 unfolded on our television screens, myself and Alison had not even met. At that time I had no idea that in the decade since 9/11, I would meet and fall in love with the most precious person ever to be part of my life and grieve for her in the same decade. Only now do I know the full extent what those who lost loved ones in that tragic event, went through, in fact the nature of the atrocity meant that most never ever saw the bodies of there loved one's, so grieving was even tougher for them I'm sure.
The void created by the collapse of the towers has now been filled with the new memorial site and I hope in the years that have passed, some of the void in the lives of the many who lost their loved ones has also been filled in some way.
The void left in my life, from losing Alison will never be completely filled, like those who lost in 9/11.
I could have spent my whole life searching for someone like her and never found her, but I did, or rather we found each other. So that void is immense, I just skirt around it now and again, but it will always be there, no void of love can be filled.
The void I personally feel has made me look inside of me, but there are no answers to be found, when Alison was here we were one, there were no questions no answers. I walk around the house she should be there, I cook she should be there 'saying wow that smells good', she would be out, I should be looking forward to her coming home, it goes on and on, she never will be here again, so how is that void ever filled. It can't be, but I have to continue life and small amounts of the void she left will be filled, with things I would not have normally done if she was still here.
My life has changed drastically, just like those who lost loved ones in 9/11. I'm still at this moment in time a lost soul in a place I don't understand!.
Hope that all makes sense.