My wife Alison age 37, lost her life while riding her motorcycle on the 28th April 2011. Alison was my life and all I lived for, she was my soul mate.We had eight amazing years together. This is my blog about coming to terms with the loss of her. Please see the blog archive for earlier posts.
She was so beautiful and I will love her for ever.
Sat 13th August I had invited two friends (I won't use their names on here, I will just use husband, wife.) around for a barbecue in the evening. So the day was spent house cleaning and shopping for the food.
As usual was very emotional, this was the first barbecue without Alison.
Again lots of spells of tears while cleaning, got into a bit of a state mid afternoon, so took a diazepam to calm myself.
Friends arrived and we had a lovely evening eating and drinking. I have only known these two friends for just under a year, Alison had only met them the once, very briefly. It was only the second time they had been to my house, the first was just for a quick coffee and chat.
Anyway the evening went on and we sat chatting in the garden. All of a sudden the husband look startled and looked at his wife, his wife asked 'Charlie?' yeah he said.
Now I had no idea what was going to happen next, but her husband looked very uneasy. Now he dismisses that he is psychic, it's not what he does and does not tell anyone that he is, I had absolutely no idea ! But he has a spirit guide that visits him now and again out of the blue, the guide is Charlie.
Well Charlie had just appeared and he had Alison with him, Alison said 'she was angry when she went out' she was, but the husband would have no idea of this, as I have never disclosed it. She then said ' it was a silly misjudgment' that I assume refers to her losing control of the bike.
Then the words ' Oh fuck ! dark, sky, dark sky, dark sky, dark, no pain'
Alison would always use that swear comment, the dark, sky would have been her rolling along the road. Again the husband would not have known she used 'Oh fuck' , but it is the one thing I know she would have said when she knew she had lost control.
Then husband said she is showing great humour, but she has just turned really angry, she said she was made angry before she went out—I know that to be so, she was really angry that she had wrecked her bike, also she was angry that I am being pathetic and that I must let her go, I need to get on with my life and stop crying for her.
She then said she is happy!
The last words sent through where 'the bridge' talk to me there.
The place she crashed was on a bridge, but it is not obvious that the section of road is a bridge unless you know so.
I asked husband could you see Alison, he said yes briefly, she was beautiful and standing sideways to me, not showing her left side, he asked me did she have most injuries on one side of her body. She did it was the left side. I have read that messages/words coming through can be muddled and out of context as most sentences are broken up. I have no choice but to believe!
I did tell my friends earlier in the evening about the dreams I had earlier in the week, husband said that it does seem she was trying to get through
So totally unexpectedly I got the answers I was seeking, that she is around and she is happy.
I went to bed about 3am and for once felt calm and could not wait for morning to tell the story.
Once up, tried to phone Alison's mum, she wasn't answering, so I made my coffee and went out to the garden and sat on a patio chair, this time not on Alison's bench as I usually do. Put my coffee on the patio table and as I sat back, a feather dropped from directly above me and landed at my feet !!
So, it is all so amazing, I do need to be more positive and hope to be, I will still have tears, but not so many perhaps, I will still miss her every hour every day, but I now know she is happy and she is around me at times.