Saturday, 3 September 2011
I haven't posted anything new for over a week, mainly because it is now necessary that I have to focus on work. Life goes on, the bills don't stop and the rent still has to be paid.
The silence in the house is still deafening, don't think I will ever get used to that, in all don't think I will ever get used to Alison not being here. Now at just over 18 weeks and the summer almost ended, it is heartbreaking that she has missed out on so much, all the things she had planned, all the things we would have done together.
I'm still in a lonely alien world really, just that now and again I can peek outside of it. I have been socialising again off and on, friends call round every so often. But you know at the end of the day or evening your going to be alone again until the following day, that sucks!
Alison looked upon her life as a series of chapters and I suppose when you think about it, that's what life is. This is now another new chapter in my life, without doubt the hardest of any previous I have had. I will get through this new chapter for her, such is my love and longing for her even though she is no longer here.
All she ever wanted was to be remembered when she was gone and I recently read these words someone had wrote after losing the last of his family, I quote:
We all come in with nothing and we'll all go out that way. It's what you leave behind for others to enjoy that counts. Use your gift, we all have one.
Well Alison will always be remembered by everyone who was lucky enough to know her and she left a huge gift to me, in the memories I have and the honour of being part of her life. As I have said many times, the trauma I have been through and the sadness I have now, are the price I am paying for loving someone so special.