No it's not a dream, this is real.

In the two weeks since Alison was taken, life was just an emotional blur, still in shock, still numb, still not believing this has happened.

I had my eldest son from my previous marriage stay with me those two weeks, I could not face being in the house on my own.

Had visitors most days, the phone never stopped ringing, things had to be organized, people and companies had to be notified. I was just on autopilot in between the tears.

I read everything I could on grief, books, the internet, clutching at anything to help me.

The shock and numbness seemed to have erased my memory, I couldn't here her voice in my mind, I couldn't even visualise her. I had one photo of her taken some years back, that I eventually could look at without tears.

I was invited out by her friends on several occasions, I went, but it just didn't feel right, it should have been Aly going out with her friends

My sleep pattern changed instantly, in normal life I could sleep a good eight hours, in those early days it halved, whatever time I went to sleep, I would wake at 5am almost on the dot—what was that all about? I hated the waking up, always in a cold sweat and a knot in my stomach and the feeling of panic, then the reality! no it's not a dream, this is real !
I start another day in a foreign land, where I can't speak the language and I don't want to be. How can I continue, Alison was my everything, without her what the hell is the point.